ON THE BEACH

ON THE BEACH

Eric was moving to North Carolina. We all went to Sac for his going away party. Eventually everyone but me passed out or went home. I sat on his back deck. I cleaned up the recycling, but gathered all the unfinished beers onto one table. Last man standing vs. the wounded soldiers. I had a full night ahead of me.

Around four in the morning I got a text. My vibrating pocket confused me. Finally I dug my phone out. It was a text from Sarah.

Are you awake?

Yes

I sat around and killed a couple more beers. Then she called.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"I'm hell of fucked up! Walking home from the bar listening to Neil Young."

"Yeah? what album?"

"After the Gold Rush. What are you doing?"

"I'm the last one awake at a party drinking alone. I don't really like after the gold rush."

"What? That's the best! Besides maybe Harvest."

"Harvest is good. My all time favorite is On the Beach though."

"I've never really heard it."

"Really? you should check it out"

"We should listen to it together."

"Yeah! on the beach."

"HA! Totally! I've never been to the beach in San Francisco! Do you have a boom box?"

"No, but I'll buy one. Let's listen to ON THE BEACH on the beach. Maybe Saturday?"

"That sounds awesome. I'm finally home. It looks like there's a jellyfish on my roof. I'll send a picture."

She hung up. A few minutes later she sent the photo. It was some weird reflection but it totally looked like a jellyfish on her roof.

I felt good. Sarah was miles out of my league. She was older, way too hot. I assumed she didn't notice what a piece of shit I am because she was always coked out. Whatever the reason, me and her had been talking a lot lately. I was newly single and she was something to be excited about.

I was too hyper to sleep and ended up finishing all the leftover beer. Proud, full and happy I passed out.

The next day I got on my computer and asked how to get to the beach via public transit in San Francisco. My friend Haley explained the route to me. I wrote it down then checked my back balance. I had thirty dollars left. Probably just enough to get a boombox.

When I got back to Oakland I walked straight to Best Buy. The cheapest boombox I found was 30 dollars. With tax I would overdraw my bank account. I stood around in Best Buy for almost an hour. Was it really worth it? She'd probably be fine just going to the beach. The album was just a novelty. At the same time I felt like listening to On the Beach on the beach was the coolest first date I'd ever planned. Was it worth a 35 dollar overdraft fee?

In the end I went for it. I even bought a spindle of blank CDs. I'd get the same overdraft fee anyways. I went home and had my room mate burn me a copy of the Neil Young album, and some other CD's. I was all ready. I just had to drink my way to Saturday.

Saturday came around. Sarah called and canceled.

“Sorry, I feel like shit, I've been working and getting fucked up all the time, I'm totally whipped out.”

“That's fine.” I said. And it was. If anything I was just annoyed that I overdrew my bank account. “Let's just kick it soon.”

So I kept going about my life. I probably would've been more upset if I was emotionally involved, but really I was just using Sarah as something to get excited about. Something to give my life some degree of forward momentum. I knew she was crazy, and probably had no interest in me.

Which made it all the more surprising when she called me the next weekend. She wanted to hang out and play video games. I got directions to her house, filled my backpack with beer and started towards her house. I practically ran out the door right as Darrow was walking up.

“Hey man, what are you up to?” He asked.

“I'm going on a date!” I was pretty excited.

“A date? What? Who goes on dates anymore?”

“I don't know. Me?”

“Dude, that's stupid. You should just hang out.”

“Uh. No, I think I'm gonna do the date thing.”

Darrow seemed confused and annoyed. Which confused and annoyed me. He headed into my house and I took off towards the BART

I pounded a beer on the way to the BART. Then at the BART. Then two on the walk to her house. I found the place easily and got buzzed in.

Instantly I was pretty bummed. Sarah's roommate was home, and this other dude. I realized this wasn't a date. She had never claimed it was, I had just started calling it that. I met the other guy. Clint or some shit. It was pretty obvious we both had designs on Sarah.

I didn't want to be a bitch though so I handed out my remaining beers. Everyone was playing some video game where you cut people apart with a chainsaw. It was narrated by the voice actor who does Bender on Futurama.

Sarah pulled out an eight ball and started cutting up obese lines. I hadn't really planned on getting super coked out in the middle of the afternoon but like I said I didn't want to be a bitch. Everyone did a line and she instantly started cutting up more.

We all sat around drinking and doing coke. I played the game for a while. It was really boring, just cutting people up with a chainsaw. We ran out of beer and I volunteered to get more.

“Ooh, we should get some food, there's a taqueria right by the liquor store.” Sarah said.

“Sure, I could eat.” We walked to the corner. I got a twelver while she got everyone food. She brought back some weird pancake looking things stuffed with beans and lettuce. I forget what they were called.

“They're hell of good, you're gonna love them!”

We got back to the house. The food was weird, I kind of hated it. It was hard to eat with sinuses full of coke.

We kept doing more lines. After her room mate went to bed, it was just an awkward trio. I had gone way over my limit of coke. Sarah started nervously scratching my head while she was talking. I started to say something but instead almost puked, gagging loudly. She pulled her hand away, disgusted.

Clint and Sarah wanted to watch Spinal Tap. I remembered disliking the movie, but agreed. Whatever. About ten minutes into it Sarah said she was going to bed.

“I haven't slept in a couple days and I work tomorrow.” she explained. “you guys hang out, you can crash if you want.”

She went into her room. Then something kind of weird happened. With the female factor removed, me and Clint (or something) started to get along. We watched the rest of Spinal tap and talked. It was better then I remembered. After awhile me and the other guy took off.

A while later I was drinking rum with Mike at my house when I got another call from Sarah. She apologized for passing out and said she wanted to meet at this bar in S.F. Mike was going to a concert nearby so we rode the BART there together. We finished the fifth of rum on the way. He didn't think going on a date was weird at all.

At the bar I was surprised to find she was alone. Was this an actual date? I was pretty excited and really wasted. She was broke so I offered to buy drinks. She kept saying she was broke but she still had limitless cocaine. I wasn't in the mood to do any, I was way too wasted, but I figured it might help me not pass out.

Then I woke up. I was on a bean bag chair in an apartment I'd never seen. A girl I'd never seen was standing over me.

“Who are you?” She asked. She seemed scared.

“I don't know.” I moaned.

“What?”

“I'm Jared. FUCK!” I grabbed my head. I was as hungover as I'd ever been. She looked concerned and terrified as she walked away. I rolled off the chair and sprawled out on the floor. What was going on? Where was I?

Ethan came out of a nearby door. I guess he'd heard me fall on the floor. The girl must have been his roommate.

“Hey Jared, how you feeling?”

“Ethan? Where am I?”

“You're at my house. You called me and Andy and told us to come party at Bender's. When we got there you were passed out sitting at the bar.”

“What? Where's Sarah?”

“I don't know. You were alone when we found you. You were hard to get out of there. When we got you to the street you fell over and ripped a car's license plate holder off.”

“Oh shit man. I think I fucked up.”

Ethan laughed.

“No man, you were awesome last night. For some reason all the bartenders really liked you”

I didn't believe him. My first actual date with Sarah and I had blacked out. Anything could have happened. I couldn't trust myself. I could have said anything to her. I could have been a real asshole.

For weeks I was haunted by scenarios I'd make up in my head. The not knowing terrified me. I was scared to call her, I had no idea what to say. Then, slowly I stopped thinking about it. So I had blacked out. Big woop. I probably just mumbled a lot. She wasn't a close friend, I'd survive never talking to her again.

I only saw Sarah one time after that. She invited me to a concert. I was scared to encounter her one on one so I brought a crew of friends to kill the awkward. When I ran into her she was making out with that Clint guy. I felt too weird to feel jealous. We mostly avoided each other but she came and found me when she was taking off and gave me a hug.

“I'll see you.” she said.

“Yeah.” I wanted to stop there but had to keep talking.

“I hope I didn't do anything too weird the last time we hung out.”

She pulled away and stared at me. She didn't say a word, just stared. I have no idea what her expression was supposed to convey. She just stared for a long time then left with her friends.

She moved a little while after that. I've talked to her online a few times. I've never found out what happened that one night. Eric never ended up moving to North Carolina. ON THE BEACH is still my favorite Neil Young Album.